


I used to be young and idealistic, and think that death was a human right

by Noctugna



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst and Humor, Eret accidentally brings back schlatt instead of wilbur and no one is happy about it, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I guess?? but its not treated seriously, MUCH happier ending than what I originally planned lmao, Schlatt decided he wanted to come back apparently so this is going to end up having a much, Schlatt finally had some fucking peace and quiet and he just wants to go back to that, Suicidal Thoughts, least of all Schlatt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:02:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28920279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noctugna/pseuds/Noctugna
Summary: “Why am I here?”“We, uh, were trying to bring back Wilbur.” Eret explained while he was anxiously fidgeting."Yeah, that checks out." Schlatt sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Can you send me back? Preferably like, right now.”“I, uh, can’t. Once the ritual is complete you are no longer a ghost, you are just a normal person and the only thing that could, uh, send you back would be to get your three meaningful deaths.”“Goddamn it.”Or: Schlatt gets brought back from the dead instead of Wilbur, and instead of going full blown evil villain like everyone expects him to, he just Wants To Die(Until he doesn't)
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & Jschlatt, Jschlatt & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Jschlatt & Wilbur Soot
Comments: 9
Kudos: 138





	I used to be young and idealistic, and think that death was a human right

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the the GLATT shenanigans that happened when they tried to bring back Wilbur and the following Welcome to Nightvale quote: "I used to be young, and idealistic, and think that death was a human right, that everyone deserved to die. But now, I realize that dying is very hard work. I’m working hard every day, trying to die, but you don’t hear me complaining, “Oh, government, where’s my free death?" No. When I die, I want to have earned it."  
> 23/01 Edit: Under some slight rewriting due to the fact that apparently Schlatt is canonically a ghost now and wants to come back

The first thing that greeted Schlatt when he woke up was screaming and Eret having a bit of a panic because they were quickly realizing that they might have made a fucky wucky and brought the wrong person back from the dead.

The second thing that greeted him was pain. Being a soul floating in the void had definitely spoiled him, as he had forgotten how much having a body fucking sucked. His back and his kidneys gleefully welcoming him back by making his existence as miserable as it was before he died.

And as Schlatt could feel his soul sink back into his body and started to nurse a head-splitting headache due to the screaming that, somehow, seemed to be getting louder, and what had to be the hangover to end all hangovers, because of course, there was a single thought on his mind, a thought fuelled by so much raw emotion that he just had to share it:

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” He angrily yelled over the chaos surrounding him, “I WANTED TO STAY DEAD! THE FUCK AM I DOING HERE?!”

That got everyone to shut the fuck up, for which he was incredibly grateful. 

“Well?” He asked as he slowly sat up, his joints creaking in protest at every single movement, “Why am I here?”

“We, uh, were trying to bring back Wilbur.” Eret explained while he was anxiously fidgeting with- _was that the fucking necronomicon?_ \- okay, you know what? It doesn't matter.

“Yeah, that checks out, all right.” Schlatt sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Can you send me back? Preferably like, right now.”

“I, uh, can’t. Once the ritual is complete you are no longer a ghost, you are just a normal person and the only thing that could, uh, send you back would be to get your three meaningful deaths.” 

Schlatt just sighed, completely exhausted. “Goddamn it.”

He looked around and realized that there were a lot more people around him than he suspected. From where he sat, aside from Eret and that weird blue sheep tied behind him in what he suspected was an altar, he could see Quackity and Fundy whispering amongst themselves while glaring at him, Tommy and Tubbo hiding like the traumatized kids they were under some random dudes’s burnt wings that was kinda giving him the stink eye. If he squinted he thought he could see, what could either be an enderman wearing a suit or just a very tall edgy child, fidgeting nervously and trying to catch the dude with wings’ attention.

He stood up, using the fence that the sheep was tied to as a support to lift himself from the ground, and stretched, trying to alleviate his sore muscles but without any sort of success. The sheep nudged his hand with its head and he started to lightly pet it, just to do something with his hands. He was about to ask Eret, who was still looking at him worriedly, where exactly they were and for the directions to the nearest cliff from where he could yeet himself of, when he heard a voice that made everyone pause. A voice that, by all accounts, he shouldn’t be hearing in this place.

“Hey Eret! Thank you for your help but I'm truly very sorry to inform you that it didn’t work. We should try again! Maybe Phil didn’t stab me correctly?.” Wilbur said while he jogged-no, floated- over to where they stood.

Now, here’s a couple of things that you need to understand:

First: There was a time long ago, before L’manburg, before everything, where Schlatt and Wilbur were friends, so no matter what happened, no matter what they did to each other, Schlatt always felt a bit of fondness towards the other man, if not for who Wilbur had once been to him then because of what their long since dead friendship represented: Simpler times, when he was young and naive and being alive didn’t hurt.

Second: While he was dead and existing on that beautiful void, he wasn’t alone. Everyone else that had died here was there too. Wilbur was there too. And after a while giving eachother the silent treatment became boring, and so they started to talk and Schlatt hadn’t realized how much he missed being friends with Wilbur until he was in hysterics after a dumb joke the other had made. They never actually made up, as there was no way to apologize, to take back the pain that they had caused eachother while they had been alive, but, the funny thing is, none of that matters when you are dead.

So, seeing the empty husk of what was and is his friend looking at him curiously without a single flicker of recognition behind his lifeless eyes, hurt.

Realizing that, unlike him, Wilbur’s death only caused him more pain, realizing that Wilbur was never given the luxury of finally getting some goddamn peace, hurt even more.

Schlatt’s irritated gaze softened a fraction, his eyes filled with a mix of something sad and tired that couldn't be purely described as pity.

“Oh, you poor bastard.” The words escaped him in an almost inaudible sound that only Eret managed to catch and that left them looking at him oddly.

“Oh! Hi! I don’t think we’ve met before, I’m Ghostbur!” The spirit greeted Schlatt, unthinkingly filling everyone around them with pure unadulterated Dread, “Hi! Who are you? Oh! Friend likes you! That's very good, Friend is very picky with his friends.”

There were a lot of things that Schlatt would have liked to say, however, the first thing that left his mouth was “Friend?”

“Yeah! That cute little sheep you are petting” Ghostbur replied while gesturing with his hand and when Schlatt looked down, sure enough, he was still petting that weird sheep.

“You named a Sheep Friend? That’s-” That’s fucking stupid, is what he would have said if it weren’t for the fact that Will-Ghostbur was looking at him with a type of cheerfulness and earnestness that Schlatt hadn’t seen on him since they were kids, and suddenly he couldnt bring himself to shatter it, “Thats a fantastic name, Ghostbur.”

The ghost visibly brightened at the praise, “Why, thank you! It is a great name! Oh, speaking of names, I didn’t catch yours, I'm Ghostbur.” 

“That’s Schlatt, Ghostbur, and you should stay away from him.” Tommy angrily butted in, which caused the spirit to look confused.

“What? That can’t be right. I’ve- I’ve read the history books and Schlatt was a big bad mean man and-and he wasn’t nice and didn’t pet sheep! That can’t be Schlatt!” Ghostbur argued with a vacant expression, which worried Schlatt a bit.

“I’m uh-I’m a Ghost too, or, at least I should be. You can-uh- you can call me Glatt.” There, not as cute as Ghostbur but the different name looked like it stopped the spirit from having a mental breakdown. Ghostbur’s eyes widened in surprise and he smiled.

“You’re a ghost too? Thats great! I haven’t met any other ghosts before! Do you want to die too?” The spirit asked way too cheerfully, in Schlatts opinion.

“I uh, actually do. I really, really should not be here.” He replied honestly.

“Good! I want to die too so they can bring Alivebur back to life ‘cause they miss him” He started to ramble and then gasped, “Oh! Maybe we could help kill each other! Doesn't that sound nice?”

Various sounds of increasing distress were made by multiple people and Schlatt looked uncomfortable.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Will.” The dude with wings interjected and damn, that voice was familiar.

“But dad-” Wilbur started and oh, that’s why it was familiar.

“Wait a goddamn minute, _DAD_? Philza? Is that you, you old bastard? What the _fuck_ are you doing here?!” Schlatt whipped his head to glare at a surprised Philza, who looked like he was starting to quickly regret being alive at this current moment.

“Fuck’s sake, I knew that his name ringed a bell.” Phil complained, looking tired, “Hello to you too kid, it’s been a while.”

“You didn’t answer my question: Why are you here? Did you just show up when you heard that he died? Because if so then that’s a new low for you, you absent piece of shit.” 

“Oh, no, Glatt, don’t get angry at Phil! He’s a hero!” Ghostbur tried to sooth the other man, “He slayed the dragon! He killed Alivebur and saved everyone! Please don’t yell at him”

“He _FUCKING **WHAT**_?!” Schlatt’s yell tore itself from his throat and he just gaped at a suddenly stony looking Phil “You- _Dude_ , I knew your favorite was always Technoblade but I can’t believe you would- you actually killed Willbur?”

“He asked me to!” He replied, a mix of anger and pain coating his entire being, “You drove him to insanity! He destroyed everything he ever loved and he used his last moment of clarity to-to ask for me to kill him because he couldn’t stand what he had become. The man I killed wasn’t my son, by that point Willbur was beyond salvation.”

“Yeah, I remember that very vividly. That was a very happy memory for me. I called him Killza.” Ghosbur helpfully supplied and _that_ was a can of worms that Schlatt wasn't prepared to open right now.

“Oh, _sure_ , blame _me_ for driving him mad when I just told him and that gremlin you have there to fuck off from my country” Schlatt spat back, angrily gesturing at Tommy, which caused Phil’s face to darken, “And are you even _listening_ to yourself? Oh, hE wAs BeYoNd SaLvAtIoN, _motherfucker_ , if he couldnt stand what he had done then he clearly fucking wasn’t.”

Phil’s hand twitched around his sword, but he didn’t reply.

“Who do you think you are to judge Phil? Huh?” Quackity interjected, “You were a fucking piece of shit, man.”

“Im not deluded enough to think I was a good person Quackity, but what Im saying is that at least I don’t act all high and mighty after having murdered my own fucking son.” Schlatt spat back with venom and the only reply he got was an inhuman noise coming from Phil, and suddenly he was on the ground, a shiny netherite sword embedded into his chest and the Angel Of Death looking down at him with an empty smile. 

“Sometimes there’s-” He coughed up some blood, “a different solution than violence, you-you do know that, right?” He mocked him, his breath catching as he spoke. Phil just plunged the sword deeper into his chest.

“Didn’t you say you just wanted to die, mate?” Phil asked with mock cheerfulness, his right eye slightly twitching in irritation “I'm just being helpful.”

“Oh, like you were when Will-” And Schlatt didn't get to finish his question, as Phil decided that that was enough and promptly cut off his head.

It was nighttime when he respawned back at the altar, alone.

Well, one down, two more to go.


End file.
